Two of Pentacles: The Myth of Balance
Picture the scene, a woman stands on the edge of a tiny beach, rocks behind her, a stormy sea in front of her, clouds are gathering, the little boats already in full sail and being pulled across the open water. This woman is well dressed, she has the most fabulous hair but her expression is blank. Her outstretched hands reach for two gold pentacles in mid-air above her but she’s done this so often now she doesn’t even think about where they will land, to coin another over used phrase the juggle is most definitely real in the 2 of Pentacles card.
Like so many of my clients, this lady is going through the motions, hoping to find a way of balancing these two opposing forces, hoping that she doesn’t lose her momentum and lets something drop. But behind the blank expression there’s a discomfort, she’s not happy but she’s doing it and look she’s good at it, after all everything will balance out in time before the storm hits right? In this card there is an (un)usual mix of urgency and apathy and it’s one I think we can all relate to about life in the last couple of years. And that’s the myth of balance - it takes too much out of us to achieve it in the first place, then the stress of maintaining it can be just as great.
“How’s your work/life balance?”
This is one of those coachy phrases I can’t stand; I can’t stand it because I don’t think there is any such thing. Balance and the pursuit of it is a myth and a dangerous myth at that. We’re sold this idea on a daily basis, through social media, through health and mental health messaging but it comes loaded with so much and a lot of it is out of reach when you look at your life and it’s full to bursting. As women we take on everything and everything, some men do this too of course they do but the majority share still falls to the women of the world. The child care, the shopping, domestic work, caring for other family members, booking, organising, filling, driving, sharing, supporting, climbing, rising, achieving it’s such a lot and let me tell you now you might really struggle trying to find balance in all of that, I know I do and I’m a coach.
So let me just say it, there is no such thing as balance, unless I think you’re single and living in the woods, away from anything that resembles modern life and even then life doesn’t stop throwing things your way.
There will always be something.
Balance like a lot of the big life words and ideals like happiness, are momentary states, it won’t take much to slip you back out of balance again, which allows us to slip into guilt and shame that we couldn’t keep it all balanced and tidy.
If like me finding balance seems like a whole lot of unnecessary pressure then I recommend you aim for something much gentler and kinder on your nervous system - flow, season and rhythm.
Flow is often described as that moment where you’re so wrapped up in doing something, time runs away with you and you forget everything else that’s happening. It’s got its own mythology and I’m not talking about that today. My version of flow as an alternative to balance is the ability to adapt and go with whatever is on your plate, today, this week or this year. But not totally hands off approach, this flow is where you are aware of the pressure but don’t bend to it, this involves a degree of acceptance that life might be chaotic and your stress levels are high but you can handle it. Remember too not all stress is negative, we couldn’t function without stress, it’s how we responds to it that matters. The difference is your ability to move with it and there are several things you can try to make that easier, the first is to plan and prep for as much as you can, set up systems, delegate, eat well and sleep as much as you can. When the pressure is really on us it can be easy to cut these corners but I would say don’t, make these the priority to support your hormones, your energy levels and your brain. Going to bed an hour early is always going to help you when life is manic rather than staring at a phone for an hour.
Understanding the difference between seasons in your life, is this the time to rest and recuperate? Is this the time you go for it and push yourself to make the most of an opportunity or is this the time to lay down better foundations? Does your family need you more or your work? Ask some straight questions and let the answers settle before making a judgement. Is it time to put everything down and see what you can harvest, what can you pick up to take into the next season, or do you want to rip it all up and start over. You have choice remember that too and what worked 2, 5, 10 years ago might have to be rethought in order to support your life and where you are at right now.
Rhythm, just like flow and seasons we have rhythms in our lives that we learn (and unlearn) to move with, sometimes we don’t fit those rhythms and need to return to the start of the music to find what works. Don’t be afraid to do this, using the support techniques and season identifying too that I mentioned before you can bring yourself into the rhythm of life as it is right now, doesn’t mean it has to stay like this and you have the power to change this whenever you feel ready and able to.
Coaching can support you to find the flow or season of your life and work with it in a way that doesn’t allow you to feel guilty or useless and find your rhythm so you become resilient and stronger so when things speed up or slow down you can cope and you don’t stress.
So to the women in the two of Pentacles, frantically juggling and calling it balance, you have options, you don’t have to keep clinging on in such a difficult uncertain place, wondering when it’s all going to come crashing down. Choose to put the pentacles down and walk into a kinder, gentler landscape, where it doesn’t’ matter if everything is perfectly balanced and tidy and neat, who are you doing it for anyway? And create a feeling of flow, where you know which season you are in and you can easily adapt to the rhythm of your life as they are right now, in the knowledge that you can adapt and keep adapting, moving and changing, protected and nourished no matter how crazy your life becomes.